Coming Soon: Inside Out Faith

Inside Out Faith

Questioning the bedrock that underpins your religious beliefs can feel a something like a powerful earthquake–the ground shifts and you have nothing solid to regain your balance.  

I have experienced two major crises of faith and both of these occurred, not while pursuing my master’s in cultural anthropology, but while working on a master’s of divinity in a Christian seminary. 

The first crisis emerged during a class meant to defend the inspiration of the Bible. Instead, it opened up a stack of questions I’d never paused to ask.

A sense of freedom to ask anything and terror about what the answers might be, swept over me and it felt for all the world like I was falling through space, not sure where or if I’d land. 

I landed on the firm belief that there is a personal God. This reality came from a place in my heart inaccessible to doubt. Provable or not, I’d experienced Someone beyond myself in miraculously dramatic and mundane way.

I started building my faith up from that foundation–which involved a whole new, wonderful way of reading the Bible and following Jesus.

That first crisis challenged my thinking and pushed me to get honest with my beliefs. The second challenged my heart and plunged me into disillusionment.

Reuniting with my family over Thanksgiving break, I suddenly noticed just how tired and irritable I’d become. I was reading through the book of Romans and came to a text that felt like a slap in the face–or faith.

“we know this is true…

“What love?” I felt angry, betrayed, confused.

All my life, since as far back as I could remember, I’d tried to do the right thing. I’d prayed, I’d read, I’d listened… Being nice came easily (the perks of pleasing people had me hooked), but really loving did not. 

Why? What is Paul saying here anyway? Do I lack faith????

I didn’t get an answer, but God showed up in a way gave me some hope and patience.

I lived with that question buried in my unconscious for the most part, reminded of it as my beloved and I began raising our children.

I could write books of all the blessings and wonderful times and providence and even a very dramatic miracle… but that question nagged me. 

Just before a milestone birthday, I decided I would do whatever it took to live an abundant life (the life Jesus promised–only I was doing all the right things and it still seemed illusive). 

I think the best way to express what I wanted was just to be comfortable in my own skin. To let go of the striving and trying. To move from seeking guidance from the outside to living from the inside out.

Is that OK? The question would always come. Is that being too self-focused? Is it naval gazing? 

But then I’d remember that doing the same thing and expecting different results was crazy. And I was ready to be completely honest (or at least try) with my heart and internal reality

The more I shifted, the more I found that there was a place for Jesus to meet me INSIDE. Maybe like he met with the woman at that well a couple of thousand years ago. And maybe that’s what he was talking about when he told that religious leader (a good man) that he had to be born again… in the spirit.

Quotes reminding us that this is where God wants to meet us, comfort us, transform us…

(ps 50, k of God within us, sup with us, rev 3)

Building on the ground floor of my soul, letting the roots go down inside. No more building on glass ceilings that collapse over and over.

That’s why I’m here at The Dwelling Well. We pause, and notice what’s going on inside. Names for this, Buddhists call it mindfulness. Science is showing that this is what changes things.

The cigarette study

This makes life better.

And for followers of Jesus, it changes everything. Being present, noticing, choosing xxx over judgement and letting Jesus be part of that process…

Trust and surrender

It would’ve been great to be where I’m at now–to have realized this back that Thanksgiving break, before I got married and had children.

But I’m so grateful–it’s never too late and the best is yet to be.

To an English person, it will seem like simplified English, as a skeptical Cambridge friend of mine told me what Occidental European languages are grammar of the resulting language is more simple and regular than that of the individual languages.

The Languages Only Differ In Their Grammar

  • It is a paradisematic country in which roasted parts of sentences fly into your mouth.
  • Even the all-powerful Pointing has no control about the blind texts.
  • One day however a small line of blind text by the name
  • Lorem Ipsum decided to leave for the far World of Grammar.

A small river named Duden flows by their place and supplies it with the necessary regelialia.To an English person, it will seem like simplified English, as a skeptical Cambridge friend of mine told me what Occidental is. The European languages are members of the same family. Their separate existence is a myth. For science, music, sport, etc, Europe uses the same vocabulary. The languages only differ in their grammar, theirTo an English person, it will seem like simplified English, as a skeptical Cambridge friend of mine told me what Occidental is. The European languages are members of the same family.

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